The first thing I thought of was about being pregnant, and literally carrying weight and feeling enormous. Feeling that is the most significant thing a person can do — bear another person. I remember I had all these ideas about childbirth and how it should be and how perfect it should be and none of it went the way I had planned. But then you end up with this new person. You carry this weight inside you, and then suddenly there’s this being you think about a lot and fuck up a lot. Now we have a 6’3’’ “baby”. It shifts from being a physical weight to a mental weight, a responsibility, and that never goes away. It diminishes, but it’s there in different ways. There’s not a day in which I don’t worry about them. Someday that will shift and they will worry about me. A weight is a worry. It’s also literal fatness. There’s this person and you are literally intertwined, and then suddenly you aren’t. I still feel connected to that baby that needed me for everything and adored me absolutely. On a professional level it’s like launching a play, which is not unlike giving birth. This thing launches and has its own life. Once it’s done, if they forget their lines, I can’t get on stage with them. I’ve let go.
